Like many of us, I’m about to walk into my usual working environment this week. I’m going back to Prison.
I wouldn’t say I’m stressed about it, but I anticipate it will be different. Obviously our learners (when they come) will be different – they change frequently! But I’m different too.
It’s made me think about the conversations I’m about to have with my colleagues after being away from them so long.
Relationships will need re-establishing. Allowances will need to be made in many areas, but I’m still solid on how I like to treat people, and the treatment I expect in return. If anything, Lockdown has taught be social appreciation. And I value the company and contribution my colleagues give me.
I’ve missed it. Honestly. Despite working in a prison and all that conjures up.
So I’ve been considering the levels of stress our colleagues can create in us, if we let it, and the process of communication.
I break it down into 2 stages.We may not think we have any control over these stages, but we do.
Stage 1 – How we react to conversations with others
This what we say, and how we say it, when talking to colleagues.
It’s all wrapped up in how we react to them, how things progress, and the whole shebang of every interaction – start to finish.
We absolutely have a choice in how we present ourselves, our words and our way of speaking them.
Remember, it’s not so much the words, but how the words are perceived by the other person that’s crucial to how things progress (or snowball).
Knowing that you have a choice in how you speak, and what you say, puts you absolutely in the driving seat.
The foundations you set down affect how the chat progresses.
If it falters, or flows, is laid down by you at Stage 1 by how you act. Hands down, it’s a choice.
You can’t let your emotions get the better of you, because that’s not in your best interest.
We all know how things fall apart when feelings creep into things.
Passion for your subject is fine, but not when feelings get heated and it gets personal. That’s not professional is it!
There is no Me here. You are not the main person in this – there are at least 2 of you in a conversation (often considerably more) so the focus should be on acting for the common good of all concerned.
Remember, with emotions in the mix, you’re not reacting to exactly what you are hearing, but to how you interpret it.
And if you’re having a challenge with a colleague, perhaps your reaction is a bit skewed. A step back and mindful observation without judgement is always a great recommendation.
So Stage 1 is how you bring yourself to the mix:
So you walk in without judgement and baggage – leaving aside all those prejudices that might have seen you decide that some conversations were to be avoided.
If you go into any communication resisting, or expecting a particular fallout, chances are you’ll get what you’re looking for, and quick as a wink you confirm to yourself that you were right, they are a “####”.
Not very mindful at all. And it’s not going to get you where you might want to be – communicating smoothly on an even playing field.
So, leaving those thoughts aside, you’ve shown you are
- Prepared to listen
- Prepared to see the other person’s point of view
- Ready to squash any unflattering responses, or reactions
- Open to ideas
In a nutshell, what you bring affects what the other brings from their side.
Stage 2 - How others react to us
Just as you bring your ‘A’ game of consideration and being mindful, you’re colleagues may continue to be a pain.
But they may surprise you. They are doing the exactly the same as you – responding to how they see things progressing.
So when you choose to act mindfully, you’ve already set things up in your favour.
Your colleague now has an agreeable individual in their space and this makes them even more likely to be pleasant in return (of course they may still continue to be challenging but you’ve met them part way and that’s a great start).
If you wait for them to change, the sky will fall in. No one changes until they have a reason to, or are prompted to, and then, as you know, change has to come from your own desire to change how things are.
Difficult challenging colleagues may be finding life tough on many levels.
It may not be you that’s pushing their buttons and making them act as they do.
But until you dig a little deeper and show genuine interest in them, you won’t get to the bottom of the cause.
It’s never just because that’s how they are.
Something, or an accumulation of knocks has made them bossy, irritable, overbearing, rude, inconsistent, irresponsible etc.
And unless you come across as an authentic individual, prepared to pull back those layers you may never get to the root cause.
And if you do, you may find that it’s not work, or you, or anything connected with the workplace that’s their challenge.
The first step is genuine interest and being your best self in all your interactions.
Being your best, brightest, encouraging, supportive, co-worker self.
Only you can decide if this sounds like it’s worth the effort.
Question: Is it?
I’m currently putting together a new course on Communication with Colleagues. If you’d like to show your interest and get more info when it comes out, you can put your name down here
https://www.geraldinejozefiak.com/cwc
I’d love to hear any suggestions you have on content – email me at [email protected]