I Just Want to Be Appreciated

It’s a common feeling in the workplace. We all want to be appreciated, to be noticed and valued for what we contribute, what we bring, and who we are.

When we’re appreciated we feel good.  The drive to give is balanced out by the receiving of good wishes. And that’s good for us and for those that give it.

But I want you to think about the precarious nature of relying on outside appreciation.

It’s the reliance, or the need for approval and recognition by others that can catch us out. 

It’s tricky because if our self-worth is determined by how others make us feel, then we can often feel we’re missing out.  We seek out thanks.  We strive for kindly words. We may act in ways that are driven by the need for praise.  And if we become too needy in this area, we may mistake false words for the genuine article.

I remember years ago when I was struggling with the need for love from my separated daughter.  As a grown up she was free to give her love and attention where she chose.  But I felt sad and estranged because she didn’t need me.  I struggled for a long time to balance my need with her distance.  I craved her contact and when I didn’t get it, in the way I thought I deserved (being her Mum) I was dejected and unhappy. 

It was only when I learnt to be self-reliant that I was able to let that need go. I let go of needing her words of love as I learnt to love myself. I learnt to be sufficient in myself and stopped needing her love to make me feel  whole.

It wasn’t easy by any stretch. But I knew I had to let go of this strong drive to be appreciated – from her anyway.  Because all the while I held on it I was going to stay disappointed. So freeing myself from my own need was obvious.  Obvious but a struggle.

Maybe you could take a look at your own needs on words of affection and appreciation.  Are they balanced? Are you needy or does your need for a genuine response come from a good place?

Only you can say. We all have different needs – some small and timely, others deep and lasting.

If we can show up day by day grounded in our own self worth then we demand less of others and carry an aura of resilience and strength. When we rely on others to make us feel good about ourselves we can experience long lasting disappointment.

To break the cycle, it’s us that needs to change, appreciating ourselves, our strengths and worth.

If you would like me to come and speak at your Conference of CPD Training session, you can download topic ideas from my Speaker Pack here.