Make Love The Answer
Over the years I’ve read many books on the art of questioning. Much has been written on how to craft the perfect question to get the info you need. We all know the standard closed and open questioning style.
There are a number of obvious things wrapped into questioning. We need to:
- Listen to the responses with Emotional Intelligence
- Be ready to act on the information we receive
- Base our reactions on love for all concerned
A few years ago I gave a presentation to The Exams office Summer Conference in London on Handing Stress. I spoke about communicating with love to those around us. It might have been surprising to some, as I work in a Prison. Love isn’t the first human emotion you think of in connection with an HMP establishment. But it is how I operate, and it’s stood me in good stead and I believe, kept me safe from harm and stress.
I’ve read book after book on how to speak, what to say, how to react, and when to communicate.
They all have solid theories, but often miss the crucial element.
When you act with Love (i.e. when you put others, and the greater good at the centre of everything), then your motive shifts. It all becomes less about ego, and about winning, and more about serving, growing and developing awareness.
We can do this in any surroundings. We can operate from love at home, at work, at school. We can make love the answer to any question we are faced with during the day.
I challenge you to try it.
- How can you answer your next questions with love?
- How can you reply with heart at the centre?
- How can you demonstrate your love with an Emotionally Intelligent answer?
- How can you speak and work when driven by Love?
- How might it change your conversations?
- How could it improve your relationships and your day?
It does require some consideration. We need to stop and think before answering and be less focussed on the result than the process. WE need to take the spotlight off ourselves and shine it on others. We need to be a light bearing source for others.
Of course all this goes against the grain of most. We’re taught to strive, to hustle. We learn that winning is the goal, rather than walking alongside others.
I believe its in the hustle that we lose our purpose. Coming at things from a different angle will give a whole new perspective and it might be considered flim flam up against general business cut and thrust.
But most of us who work with heart in our communities spend more time listening than speaking. We need to give time to others, rather than demand their time for us.
I believe I’ve had a largely peaceful working experience at HMP because of strive to put love at the centre of all I say I do. I believe our prisoners see I care, then hear my respect, and they respond to it.
It’s not a gushy pink heart kind of love (though I do carry a pink quartz to protect my energies), but it’s a deep conviction that Love Is the Answer.
And if Love is the Answer, What was the Question?
The way we answer questions says so much about our values. And it’s values and character that will help you communicate better with others.