Pick Your Battles

 I work in a place used to swearing.  But it’s not for me. 

I set my personal standards on swearing years ago, long before I worked in a Prison.  I never let my children swear at me or around  me – and they don’t as adults.  I’m clear on this.

I am a person who does not swear (generally!) and so the other day I was tested.

My Office is at the bottom of our Education Landing where Prisoners hang out for a chat or to be let through to use the toilet. Picture the scene – prisoners milling about,  and swearing.  It’s part of their every day language.

Now usually I’d let this go, but the conversation was insistent and loud.

“Would you please stop swearing” I’m working here and I don’t need to hear this.  I’d appreciate it if you’d tone things down please whilst you’re here talking.  Thank you”.

Was I polite? Was I respectful? I thought so, so I was really surprised when the reply from one was

“What do you xxxx expect here/ We’re in a xxxx prison.  Everyone swears.  It’s part of our xxx conversation.  Don’t be so xxx boring”

Now how would you have reacted to that? I was a lone female. Admittedly Staff support was not far away, but you can imagine that with a difficult, changeable individual, things could escalate quickly.

Yes, we get Personal Safety Training at HMP on how to defend ourselves, but why would I put myself in that situation? It was a moment to ‘pick my battle’.

I didn’t need the training to make a decision on my next step.  My gut was telling me:

“back away with dignity. You’ve stated your position in an authentic way.  There are other ways to take this further if you choose to that won’t involve confrontation”.

So that’s the lesson here.  Pick your battles.  You don’t have to win every time – or you don’t have to win with anger or force.

Sometimes it’s best to be selective, so we don’t use our energy on a situation that will end in ‘war’.

I’ve seen many people raise their decibel level in response that ends in fists to prove a point.  And Sometimes that’s Officers too (but never my Education colleagues).

How does reducing anyone with a demeaning dressing down in company, win the day?

How does that help the moment, or the future with this person?

Learn to rise above the small irritation.  Weight up the personal consequence of ‘winning’.

When you drop the Ego everything flows more smoothly.

Love and light,

Geraldine

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