The Power of Words to Lift and Destroy

I work in a place where my words have power. They cause me harm, or inflict harm on others. I work in a male HMP prison.

Every day I’m in contact with prisoners, I am conscious of how I speak, the way I speak them and the impact they can have on my safety.

I never speak lightly to others. I am always weighing up my meaning and its delivery as I know there will be a result somewhere, down the line.  My safety could hang on a moment’s give away line.  How many of us can say that?

Yes, we know our words have power.

We all have memories of a slight, a hurt, or a painful memory carried far too long. We all  know words have the ability to lift us or destroy us.  They can give us hope, or crush us, in a moment. So why do we throw them away so easily?

Why do we use our words to hurt when we should be speaking love and understanding?

Why do we lash out on defence when we feel push or pomelled?

I have but one quick answer – it’s’ natural to defend ourselves whjen we feel prodded. It’s instinct to protect ourselves when we are provoked.

When we choose not to use the  advantage of physical power (as many of our inmates have), our words carry our power for us. They are our messenger. And we can step back and  watch whilst they do their work.

The sadness is that we long remember conversations had many moons ago. The words stay with us.  We may not remember the exact words, as memory tends to morph and concertina actual events. But we harbour the emotion the words inflicted. Of course at the time, we have no notion of how deep the feeling will run. But therapists scheduled are full of those still carrying the pain of yesterday and the trauma of words and conversation so lightly exchanged.

Maya Angelou explains it so well:

Words … “can cause us to be depressed.   They get into the body and cause us to be sullen and sour and depressed, and, finally, sick”

Everyday we converse with so many different people so any number of things around us – family, friends, colleagues, work associates, ourselves even …

We have untold opportunities to consider the impact our conversations may have on those around us.  Our words are so dependent on our mood, or feeling, our day, our task, our history, our opinions, our energy, and untold other influencers.

You may not have the same results as me if your conversations go ‘wrong’, but you can still have leave a  lasting negative impression in your conversations.

And don’t just limit this to verbal communications either.  Think of all the telephone conversations you have every day, and the report, the minutes, the emails, the letters you write.  Every time a thought spills out into the ether, they leave a trail.

I'm reminded of my spiritual friends who tell me they can see the energies that thought forms have.  That’s a powerful thought that I go along with. Words and thoughts made manifest, and thoughts are without doubt loaded with energy.  I feel it on the landings I walk onto and I’m sure you’ve felt the different energies given off my different people. Words too have their own energy.

So the sensible, gracious and Mindful way to talk would be to consider the fall out from your conversations.

Ask yourself some honest questions:

• Think how you would like to be spoken to?
• Think what memory you would like your conversations to leave behind?
• What traces will you leave in others as you move throughout your day?
• How do you want your words to be perceived and received?
• What lasting emotion would you like to leave others with after your meeting?
• How can you speak and connect more mindfully?

We carry memories of past conversations around.  (If we’re feeling like  a scapegoat, we wear them like a badge of honour and show them off to others to rally around). They can be scars and wounds that we hide behind but also trophies.

Yes, words have the power to invoke wounds or wonder.

I’ve been on receiving end of both and many in between.

What’s your motive?
Words spoken in anger, in joy, in pain and retaliation. Words shared from conviction and the moral high ground and words of open honesty.

Only you can know the motive behind your conversations.

When we feel unappreciated or un- acknowledged, we respond differently from when we’re encouraged and supported. But though the words may be different, they should always be mindful. And considerate. And balanced with empathy.

Conversation fall out
We can never know what’s happening in someone else’s world at that moment, unless they tell us.  So the fair and just way is to be careful, cautious and transparent.

Because there will be a result of your talk. You can be sure of that, though you may not know it at the time. There will always be someone who uses conversations as bargaining, and unless we can all stand tall and know we come from a place of good grace, then we should expect there to be follow up conversations down the line.

No, our conversations are never Done. They produce many ripples throughout our day. 

We scowl about them, share them, dwell on them, pick them apart and review them constantly

One by one they leave lasting impressions from our first Hello in the morning to our last Goodbye at the end of the day.

The power of words runs deep and your words paint patterns on your breath. What colours and patterns are they forming?